Yes, I'm back in the saddle and building up tolerance for the writing bit.

Not quite the number of words I was looking for, but when my eyes closed over the laptop for the bazillionth time and I realized I couldn't. write. another. word. Well. 'Nuff said. So I went to bed and tried reading, which lasted only a few minutes until my eyes couldn't make sense of the words on the page.

Lucky for me I went to sleep when I did: the dog was breathing on me at 5:45A, preparing his secret weapon, the licks of death.

Much as I love this animal... no. Just no.

The weekend disappeared far too quickly, and that was due to going out for a movie and a stage performance of The Sound of Music. There were two songs I don't remember in the production, and my heavens, there's no real reason they should have used them here. Singing through what could have been a serious discussion on German sympathizing didn't work for me when it came to convincing the Captain and Elsa they wouldn't suit.

And it's the 100th day of school on Wednesday. I have to find the dratted doughnuts and get a heck of a lot of prep done between now and then. Ugh.

This teaching thing sure sucks a lot of time. :P

But hey, there were words, although more of a skeleton of the scene in dialogue, an outline, perhaps rather than a complete draft, and I just dove in. No, I don't know who the other character is, or why he's demanding Kalim's help for something, but heck, words are disposable and if they don't work, there's always the trash can.

*tap, Tap, TAP*

Is this thing on?

New year, new look, new dreams.

I haven't written a thing for two months. Not that I'm bragging or anything, just that it's been dead silent around here. Lots of that lack was due to overwhelming: too much school stuff, too much stuff with kids and spouse and expected appearances for one thing or another.

But it's over. We're back from Colorado, and although I resemble Darth Vader in terms of the breathing, I have not (yet!) successfully convinced the family that I am a Darth to be reckoned with.

Darn.

In terms of writing, though, I have a few ideas percolating already. They have very little to do with the previous things (and in some ways, this is unfortunate. Although I am going to restart the ashes story, Amber. Kind of a memorial to Dad, I think. At least, that feels right.)

I have things to reread and study. Somewhere near the end of November, I chanced upon someone's musings on the three conflicts/areas of focus/something else? that makes a good story, and I realized that I'd only been hitting two of those three parts consistently.

D'oh. Nothing like a big smack on the head.

So, yeah. That's right up there in terms of what I'm doing first. Along with some actual writing. After I do some actual planning.

I do wish I started with plot, but noooooooo. It's always characters and I have to discern what makes them so interesting to me.

I wish I had a rack.

And in other news, there may be some minor tweaking going on in the tables on this page. Nothing that would be super noticeable, but if I can keep from screaming every time I look at the page, it might be good. Or at least quieter.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Off to a better than expected start yesterday. Not only did I find the article on the three kinds of stories and reread it, I put it into practice and brainstormed long and hard about those segments. As a final touch, I managed to whip out a plot line of sorts. 

This is far better than I deserved, but yay! Whatever works.

Then, after searching far and wide for art dolls, I found two to flesh out my characters. I have one name that will most likely change; I don't have the other. For some reason, the name Beet is stuck in my head for the little girl, which is troublesome since she doesn't have red hair. I'm still debating on the value of that particular name.

My inner editor is already grumbling that the opening scene is taking too long, but I wanted to set up touches of the magicial influence right away, and then to deliver the critical back history in this child's rather pragmatic voice. Time for the vicious pruning later. Way later—like after the damn thing's done. I went into this thinking it was going to be a 2K story. Now I've revised the estimate to 3K and we'll see how close I get.

But a start! Celebrate with me!

And this is particularly encouraging because I fussed with the images of these characters so long that I didn't start writing until almost 10P.

Plus, the whole day was punctuated by phone calls between my house and my mom's house, as I discovered that my grandmother had gone to the ER for symptoms of a heart attack (walking on her own two legs, JUST like Dad, had) and was being admitted. No signs of actual heart attack, although anomalies in heart functioning, and finally, some test which said she had water (somewhere, maybe the lungs, God knows, and my mom is not always the best person to describe medical procedures), so a diagnosis of possible pneumonia or tumor or something else is in the works. Since Grandma's ninety-seven, I'd rather expected congestive heart failure. So, we're waiting. And maybe she won't be home today after all.

In addition to all that, Grandma's gotten to the confused stage, so she doesn't always remember simple things, like sitting down instead of veering off into the kitchen. So when the nice doctor was describing all the possible procedures and outcomes, I think he was a bit thwarted by Grandma's agreement that each procedure be done. Mom finally took over that discussion, reminding her that she had a living will and a DNR. Which should be taped to her headboard or footboard or the wall somewhere. The nurses found her charming (which sort of makes up for my dad's misbehavior a year ago) and laughed when Mom told them that she goes to sleep at 7A, she'll wake at 5:30A, and she'll want her Frosted Flakes right then, dammit. (Okay, so Mom wouldn't have said dammit. Think of it as authorial embellishment, and you'd have to know my Grandmother's strict adherence to patterns.)

So maybe the nurses weren't laughing at 5:30A after all.

I must attempt to get into the doctor's office today. The sore throat is back. The eustachian tube is still blocked, and I'm damn tired of hearing my pulse ricochet throughout my head. We won't mention the chest congestion, because at the moment I am not wheezing or coughing. The goal is to be well by the time I return to school, because I will have no student teacher and it will be me against my twenty darlings.

Which means I should probably get off my duff and make a phone call or two.

Stupid meat puppet.

Busy, busy, busy. Despite feeling like death most of yesterday.

However, after a chest x-ray, I am now loaded with a Z-pac, an inhaler, and OTC Mucinex DM. I can almost take a deep breath this morning, although the pulse tempo continues to echo in my head.

The story was bugging me. I'd written early in the afternoon and figured I'd get back to it last night, which of course, I didn't. I fell into bed at 9P, exhausted, and then could NOT fall asleep. Normally, I would curse my poor luck, but instead my brain hacked up a new twist to the story I'm writing: a new character.

Stupid brain. But! One new character and my protag suddenly acquires a protective stance that is good, the villagers arriving on the doorstep make sense since they're in search of the new character, and when two characters don't wish to cooperate, throwing a third in changes the dynamics.

We'll see. I'll dump some of what I wrote yesterday and see how it goes.

For those of you watching at home, this is one reason why I don't outline. One blink, and the story deviates from its planned course, and events sweep away in the torrent of new channels.

I would be writing a new outline every damn day.

Far better to be vague and let my brain do those shifts it seems to require, while I just follow in its path, pretending I know where we're going to end up.

Ah, the tricks I play.

I did stay up long enough to infect Amber with my love of doll artists and the dolls' personalities.

Not for me the beautiful children and baby dolls. Oh, no. Character above all else. To that end, click here.

If that's not character, I don't know what is.

How the word count piles up when one is consistent with writing.

I must remember this.

I am to the point in the story where I only see flaws. I haven't dragged in enough of the horror, because Emma's voice is so prosaic, and she takes everything in stride. I want to slap her and wring a few tears from her. And make her vulnerable! What good is a supergirl in a fantasy setting if I can't wound her?

The witch is just being mean for meanness' sake. There's no 'real' about her, and there won't be, I don't think, until the rampaging villagers appear.

That new character was onstage for an entire paragraph or two. What sense does that make?!

So yeah, I'm approaching allthehate for this thing already. That's not a good sign.

My grandmother is still in the hospital, but with pneumonia, not a heart attack. Apparently when you get that old, you don't have to be sick to get pneumonia. Post-nasal drip will do it. I'm glad, and I'm crossing my fingers that she will not break her hip by falling out of bed; they've already caught her wandering around her room twice.

Finally, the plugged eustachian tube decided to switch residences and move into my right ear for today. However, the rest of me feels pretty decent. *pets her antibiotics*

And now, I'm thinking about getting the ugly part over with first.

(That would be the writing, d'oh.)

This is the point where I flog myself to write. Knowing what I've got so far isn't what I want, that it's simply not matching up with my initial vision.

Oh, well.

I am writing the ugly thing.

And then burying it.

We'll see if it looks any better after six months or so. (Because everything appears in a new light after a couple of centuries of sitting. For proof, I give you mummies.)

I'm not ready to get back to school. Not yet. Two and a half weeks off only creates the craving to have more time off. But tossing a car trip to Colorado into this vacation has created the illusion that it was far, far longer. Especially now that we've been back a week.

And I am catching up on my reading. I've already finished two of the six books I checked out on Wednesday night, and I've started the third. (Mostly to erase the memory of the second from my brain. Cool, COOL concept. Really strange structure, and if that wasn't a novelette followed by a bunch of short stories with a related character packaged as a novel....)

(Well, as you can see, I haven't successfully erased anything from my memory on that one except the title and the author's name. And that success doesn't rely on anything except the brainless head.)

Today there is housecleaning and gearing up for tomorrow's tree putting away. The tree stays up until Epiphany, so this year it's been up for a month and I'm grateful. Unfortunately, the middle child has already left for Davis, and I didn't remember to have him undecorate the top foot that he and the girlfriend decorated. Which is a bummer. I will be on the ladder... (or no! The Slug will. As soon as I pry her out of bed.)

It's the little things that make me happy.

That and I have two less boxes of ornaments to pack away: the Slug didn't want to put hers on the tree and MonkeyBoy wanted his sent back East. So yay!

(It was a good reason to acquire a few more....)

So, no words on the story last night. No, instead I received a sharp blow to the head and joined the Novel in 90 days group.

I immediately spent the remainder of the evening in research. As though I hadn't done enough for the damn thing before.

This morning will be about organization. I have umpteen copies and versions of what I have already; I'm going to *gasp!* file them all together before I start the new document. Which will also have a new beginning. I think I started the last version a little too soon. If I want the reader to care about Kalim before I make his life miserable, a single chapter before, where I introduce everyone critical and their relationships to each other would be good.

And 750 words. Three pages. How hard can it be?

I think I'm in shock.

Yeah, I do want to finish this novel, but I hadn't planned on it right now.

2007—the year of the novel.

Eeeeeeeeeeee. (I know I've done it once before, but this one scares me.)

Word count this month is going to be good.

I started the Novel in 90 challenge. I added two new scenes to the front end; I need a third. And that should give me today's count. After that, I don't know. I'll reread and see what happens.

There are bound to be things I'll dump or need to add.

The file for this novel has grown phenomenally—once I put every single document I ever made in it... and there are plenty. The novel. When it got tough for me to keep everything straight, the single documents for each character. (Nice idea, didn't particularly work.) The short story and each version thereafter. The notes.

If I add all these up, I probably have enough for two novels. Unfortunately, they mostly cover the same material.

The hardest thing for me is envisioning how to draw the threads all back together. Right now, each one has gone its own way, Kalim is experiencing horrors elsewhere, Bashak and Mareet are living personal horrors in the original city. The goal is to get Kalim back, get the others to extract themselves and reject their original beliefs, then join Kalim in leaving. The end.

Oh, did I mention room for a sequel?

Well, yeah, there is. At least on the romantic end of things, and quite possibly within the dynamics of a religious caste and a warrior caste jostling for power, while Kalim, whether he wants to be there or not, is the central character who can draw the two together.

If he's not assassinated or something else first.

So yeah. Lots of room to keep going, if I can just work my brain around all these split ends.

I'm hoping a trim will help.

Oh, man, the first day back when you've consistently been sleeping until 7 or 8A every morning of vacation sucks. The first alarm was slapped to death. The second played for twenty minutes while I managed to go back to Dreamland and shepherd a busload (one kid was driving!) of varying ages of kids. Then they were off the bus, they were eating a few blocks away from school, and there were stuffed animals and tables we had to transport. Somewhere in there, Huey Lewis and the News played and became part of the damn dream.

Thankfully, I have another hour before the first busload of kids arrives. And then it's all downhill after that.

I managed to get the next 750 words yesterday. I've been writing in the morning which has made it much easier to not dread. Now I have to return to after school or evening. It gets harder from today on.

I didn't finish the scene from yesterday, and there might be another three or four pages in it. The discussion over the victim is just beginning. There should be a fair amount of arguing before Bashak capitulates. Nor does it help that the Master is obviously sick, Yesim is in charge of the whole vote, and Bashak's future blackmailer is sitting right behind him.

Go me! I got all the critical characters introduced in 1500 words, and the only other one who will play a part could be added into the very first scene.

So I'm happy.

Until I have to write tonight. And then we'll see.

In addition to everything else, I'm at a training session on Wednesday and up to the Bay Area on Friday for the weekend. I must keep the writing going, in addition to making lesson plans. Thankfully, the sub for both days will be my student teacher. She knows the kids, she knows how to wrangle them into submission, and I can trust her to get everything done.

Poofing time, though, if I want any time to actually adjust to being back.

I survived school long enough to arrive back home by 4:30P and write. It took a latte, and I will never have a large one at 4P again. I can't say it helped my staying awake to write since I managed to get my words before 7P, turning the damn light on helped more.

So today, no coffee. Or, at least not a vat of it.

I got through most of the scene where Bashak discovers that his apprentice is going to be chosen to receive this soul, and is fighting against the probability as best he can. He's not doing very well, and since I wouldn't have a story if he doesn't lose, he's obviously going to lose. And make a few enemies along the way. I do need to flesh out minor minor characters along the way. If they're there and contributing to a discussion, they ought to have names. I should also know something about them... like basics. Are they sympathetic to Bashak's plight or not?

(Damn. Someone is. I've just got to get that person to pat him on the shoulder and say that they've all lost apprentices at one time or another, and look, they all turn out just fine.)

That's gotta be worth a paragraph or two.

School ended up being fine. I'm not used to do full day all by myself—not when I had my student teacher. And I miss that extra presence a bunch. Having backup is not a bad thing at all. And I'd forgotten about rolling with the punches: my partner next door showed up after school and told me she needed the painted snowmen. Tomorrow. By 1P.

Guess what we're doing this morning? (Which is fine. I was one group shy.

I'm also training two kids to cut snowflakes today and sending them forth to teach others. We'll see how THAT goes. I know I'm going to have paper bits EVERYWHERE.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm going to keep working on getting this scene finished and on to the next bit, whatever that is. (No, I have no idea. I'm going to have to read and see if all of these adventures make sense. Oh, and set up Mareet's best friend in the first scene. That, too. Busy, busy.)

Running fast this morning. I've been up for less than 20 minutes, and I'm dressed, dog's fed, I've eaten, and now I'm typing.

I wish I could start every morning this zippy.

The novel is progressing. I've finished up the opening chapter, and am now realizing that I made need another transitional scene or two to get to the original opening chapter.

That sucks.

I'm not sure I absolutely need it. I don't want fifty pages of story so far before I get to the pivotal point where everything takes off, but I just thought of a scene I can write tonight.

One. Just one more. A discussion between Kalim and Bashak where Bashak attempts to warn Kalim, and Kalim (shades of the eldest, MonkeyBoy!) asks just how hard it could be?

Ah, youth. And the ability to believe yourself capable of everything.

I swear we survive only because we learn that some things hurt, so we avoid those.

(No, this does not explain my desire to learn how to snowboard. It does, however, explain the bad knee and my ability to fall on my ass repeatedly.)

Snowmen, done. Snowflakes? Not done. Today. And we'll see if small children learn via meme.

Results are pending. (Oh, like everything else.)

There's something about adding to the beginning of the book when you've partially written the written the rest. (Where the value of rest is equal to or greater than ~30k)

Oh, my heavens, you can simply lard in all sorts of foreshadowing.

I highly recommend it.

For the record, I've finished all the opening stuff, which means I've added two more scenes: one with Bashak doing his damndest to consider how to rescue Kalim from this approaching disaster, and the other where Kalim laughs off the danger when he and Mareet talk.

Ah, youth.

Bashak has changed in this version. He's more suspicious, more political, and I'm giving his own soul burden more voice. Not that they actually speak, mind you. Good heavens, I have enough characters to sink a novel. But I have to make them real and show these souls active.

Interesting when you have to do it without showing the conversations.

Without a student teacher, life in the classroom has changed. Man, was I spoiled.

I capitulated and moved to whole group activities in the afternoon. It was just easier.

Today, I may do some polishing on that notion, where everyone is actually doing the whole group activity, but the tables change, and therefore the follow-up independent activity changes. Where I control what that will be, rather than giving people free time.

I am pondering this.

However, I can say that the meme snowflake cutting was successful enough that I am going to attempt it again.

Go me!

Now, all I have to do today is write, pack, squeeze time in to go see a doctor (any doctor) who will listen to my chest and give me something else to manage the tightness/coughing fits/wheezing, pick up the car I've rented, attend the staff meeting, and oh, run some laundry, maybe.

And put in the request for more hours in a day, because what I've got isn't going to do it.

Back. I think.

There are no words to report, but I downloaded yWriter, transferred my writing into it, breaking it into chapters and scenes, and began writing descriptions for the action in each scene.

And magically, somehow, it seems as though this novel might be controllable.

I can actually see that this is the end of the beginning and the beginning of the middle. See it. This piece of software is giving me a way to get a grip on everything. At least, it is after a couple of hours of work. I'm actually thinking that if I can print out scene cards and shuffle them around (because the worst for me is WRITING the darn things about in longhand), it might work.

I have new worries, however.

Is there enough conflict in every scene?

That I am less certain of.

I'm also thinking that bringing in interaction with Kalim's family may not be the way to go. Although the new characters I've introduced in that segment now do not feel as though I'm stretching.

There will be more tinkering tonight, including some *gulp* plotting. But I might even be able to plot ahead with this thing.

Hopefulness lifts its head. Yay!

The rest of my life? Oh, well. You gotta start somewhere.

The novel so far is in yWriter.

I've managed to label all the POV characters per scene, nailed goal, conflict, and result plus a description of action. (Okay, I still have reservations about conflict in every scene. Either I can't find it or I don't have any. I'm tending toward the latter and worrying.

I even printed out the cards for each scene, but my printer, for some reason, didn't cooperate. I'll have to work on that.

Basically there's several ways of viewing the same information: card format, a running page broken by chapter and scenes, and a more visual representation on a continuum with a specific color box for each character.

The latter makes me feel right at home, but I'm thinking I need to try other means, too.

As I told chance last night, I've opened all these possible areas of conflict—interpersonal between the two characters (and the 'bad guys' who are not so bad as, well, practical schmucks) left behind, potential conflict on a world level between the priesthood and the military castes, with the caravanserais acting as middlemen, Kalim's conflict with his family, and his own conflict with both the priesthood and the military groups.

No wonder I ran and hid when it got overwhelming.

So, the goal for tonight is to plot ahead so I know what I have to begin writing.

Wish me luck.

As for the software, I'm thinking I will continue typing in Word, but cut and paste into the other program. The reason is that the screen looks so different that I'm not certain how much I would be distracted peripherally. Plus, I want an .rtf document and the ability to underline or whatever that yWriter 2 doesn't provide currently (although it will sometime in the next incarnation.)

The latest doctor visit was good. Tendonitis of the thumb. To check, make a fist tucking your thumb into the palm of your hand and wrapping the other fingers around it, flex the wrist down, pushing the hand back as far as you can.

Can you shriek? I know I did.

So, two Aleve twice daily, a new wrist support that immobilizes the thumb, and two weeks of wearing this one continually. Everyone cross your fingers that this does it, because damn, I'm tired of wrist supports.

Now, if only I hadn't gotten the cold AGAIN from one of my darlings at school.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. Out-of-the-oven-warm chocolate chip scones. And no dog at my feet hoping I will drop crumbs because he gave up on the idea while they were baking.

It's a joy to eat solo.

I found another 6K words yesterday. I have lots of files for this novel—and I have the vaguest notion there may be more. Definitely one scene. The other scene I'm remembering, not so much. So, I added those into yWriter, wrote up notes for each of those scenes, and then continued on brainstorming scenes that I needed for Kalim's story. Somehow it's easier to think logically in this software. When I note by hand, I tend to start from the beginning and write everything. In this program, everything's already there.

There are definitely some things in this program I'd like to have more functionality for: a help index, for instance. The ability to print out each scene on those notecards instead of each chapter, which I haven't figured out how to do. The ability to see each POV character's short scene descriptions in a vertical printout.

I have learned how people can write pivotal scenes out of order, however. What I did yesterday in terms of brainstorming proves that I could. And then it might just be linky scenes after that.

But for free software? Not bad, peoples. Not bad.

So I attempt writing tonight even if I haven't gotten the other storylines nailed down, because dammit, I CAN.

Any way, no words, although I do have the novel at 36K with the additions, and if it's not smooth sailing ahead, at least I've got an idea of where I have to point this barge.

And did I mention my mom (age 77) leaves for England today? I am so excited for her! It's the first time she's ever been out of the country and she's off for a week with my brother, sister-in-law, and their two kids. Touch and go there for a while getting the birth certificate, but Alameda County finally came through and found her records. So now she has four of the embossed things.

I guess we won't be forgetting where and when she was born any longer.

ETA: We vanished into the theater last night long enough to see Pan's Labyrinth. Go.

Yes, it's subtitled (which was annoying since I speak Spanish and the words on the screen proved distracting for the first half) and yes, there is quite a bit of brutality and violence. I spent several parts with my eyes closed, not even tempted to peek. But overall? Oh, the imagery. The otherworldness. The amazing squick of a monster who sees with the palms of its hands. And yet, despite all the pain and suffering, despite the cruelty, despite the sorrow, I smiled at the end. So yes, a fairy tale in the non-Disney tradition. I need to get a CD of the score.

And the part of this film that impressed me, the writer, most, was how much the director foreshadowed the ending throughout, both visually and in action. I must remember this.